Programmations
Is a child allowed to develop its identity or does it need an identifation with his parents, the group or the community?
y A child that should keep its mouth shut constantly because adults and more grownups are talking does not understand when it is allowed to talk. What happens when a child continually gets permission to kick when he prefers to do so? What happens when a child does not allow other children to use the slide as he has set his mind on it? Such a child becomes too self-confident and becomes egocentric. It has not learned that there are limits to its behavior and that others can be self-confident as well and now their limits. A child, who became too self-confident and cannot play with others, knows all about dominating others. Such a child has failed to interact and does not know the meaning of “co-playing”.
Co-playing and co-operation means being in balance. If something is in balance it means that both parts can move up towards a new energy.
Another example is the child that is active in school and presents itself as the ringleader. It shows itself with courage and is appreciated. It gives such a child self-confidence and society responds to this child with confidence.
A child that has been run down because it is: squinting, too long, too thick, too small, too pretty, too clever, or too skinny can very easily get an inferiority complex. Its self-esteem is not strong enough and it is hard for this child to have an adequate communication with others. It has not learned to communicate in a direct, open, honest and clear way. If such initiatives are not rewarded, this child feels guilty as he believes he cannot meet the wishes of other persons. This child has the feeling that there is no room for him in life.
If you, as a High School student, are enabled to discover what life has to offer you, you are able to construct your own identity, ID. An identity independent of the identity of the family you come from. You succeed to do so if you show critical behavior, put critical notes to your own life, look into other social structures here and on other continents and become aware of the many societies and what dissenters may argue that enrich your life. You then step out of your comfort zone.
However, if you are allowed to do so you can be confused. This confusion makes that you derive your identity from your family’s identity. You do not develop your own identity. This confusion might bring even fear for other societies as you have never been able to become acquainted with the rules and norms of these other societies. You fear their rules and believe these to be inhumane.
When you are charged with fear you meet disapproval, blame and you do not know how to meet the expectations of society. You only meet the expectations of your own limited society. You show an attitude of sacrifice, reconciliation and devoted love. The many things that life has to offer you bring you fear. You fear it because you were not allowed to have your own identity.
