Many people react angrily to the “I” phenomenon. Many started as a result a wrong identification once more. It started after the decennia when we were taught to speak about “us”. For example, we think so and so on. Speaking about us was seen as to hide you behind a group of unknown persons. There also was for some time the “you” period, but it is out of fashion again as to some it seemed as an accusation. The joint aspect in the “We” and “You” period was that the messenger was hiding behind the group (we) or pointing to the other (you).
Next came a more vulnerable time when we learned to talk about ourselves. The “I period”. In this “I” period we were taught the differences between aggressiveness, assertiveness and sub assertiveness. Whereby an assertive expression gives room to “I and the other”. In the two other forms there is only room for either “I” or “You”. In the “I era” we were also teached the “I-message”. The word “I” followed by the other persons behavior, your feelings and the consequence of the total action. We learned to express what a consequence the action has on someone else.
Egocentrism
Many people have given proof in history that they do not (want to) understand the essence and by that showed us wrong examples and directions. Many have (were forced to) follow these guidelines. Even the above is misunderstood by many. Especially people who are stuck in the poisonous identification (Theory psychologist Sigmund Freud) of Oedipus identification, narcistic identification, targeted identification and the object loss identification.
Examples of these are the men that do not understand women and condemn them and vice versa (men haters and women haters), Persons who recommendate themselves having the underlying knowledge, persons who have on a mission to obtain money, goods and esteem while they lack inner knowledge and furthermore the lack of handling adversity, loss and mourning.
This group was and still is becoming very angry at people who speak from their own inner experience and who react assertive. They are angry for several reasons.
One reason is that the person who speaks from his own experiences reflects them and they do not like the reflection as they have (still) no notion of who they are. They want to be like others powerful and vulnerable, but that cannot (yet), and instead become angry at others who can (projection). Sometimes they are jealous because the other person has a connection with the inner Self and they want to be at that advanced spot and thus they to dispose the other from that place by spreading libel (fallacies put forward fallacies).
Persons who sense assertiveness as aggression are blaming others for their victim stance as they do not (yet) know how to express their needs or feelings. In fact they suffer a social disorder and blame others for it. As an adult we all have to heal whatever occurred and occurs in our life’s (theory Erik H. Erikson or Bert Hellinger).
Another obvious reason is that they like to continue dominating over others and thus continue to react from their egocentrism. It manifests itself in displaying other groups or that other person. Further it manifests itself in rat behavior.
Rat behavior is lip service, window dressing, helping each other in the saddle (Peter Principle), extrovert behavior (Mrs. Bucket), hiding behind a mask of false behavior such as only smiles and friendly words and furthermore authority predatory or oppressive behavior.
They steal knowledge, insights and words of others in order to show off and suppress society as all is build on delusory hopes stat on integral and inner knowledge (=wisdom) .
It are persons who manifest themselves with expressions like: I’m a guy so I’m better than a woman, I’m a guy so I can perform better than a woman, I am a woman so I can perform better than a man, I am on a higher public position thus I do not consider your communication or message, I’m a crying baby and MUST eat right now, I’m a tired child, but would stay up so I MUST get it my way, etc. It is very similar behavior as in the “two – I phases” I (toddler / adolescent) emerges. Too often we notice only adults who do not progress further than the toddler phase.
The egocentrism is the Super Ego or Über Ich as Sigmund Freud described it. It is the moral, religious part in us that searches for perfection by suppressing others in order to try to achieve their own perfection or to feel superior to others through extrovert behavior (keeping up appearances) like exceeding power/control, money and goods. It is not based on reality. This overriding moral behavior is inherited by the next generation or mandatory imposed on them. They create without having insight in the essence or knowledge of interrelations with the issue at hand.
N.B. Marginal note: It is about systematic behavior.
Egoism
From generation to generation, we transfer this behavior over to the next generation because we do not dare or want to defend our birth rights. It is our personal birthright to walk our individual path through life!
We are all moving in and through life. That means that we must grow from egocentrism to a more balanced life and mature behavior. It is to be achieved only by trial and error. It means taking part in a group but not giving up your own identity. At one point in our life we are hold responsible and are individually accountable.
When we share experiences and insights we reflect our process of growth. It does not mean aggressive behavior or showing off and it does not really hurt but it heals us as we notice other possibilities to handle issues. When we step out of the “Comfort Zone” it means we can experience more. Life offers us lots of possibilities to experience, to learn and to heal. Only Egocentrism (Super Ego) makes us suffer from life.
When our Egoism functions well we are balanced. Being in balance implicates being assertive as then you consider your own demands and those of others. A person in balance is consciously experiencing, learning and healing. Conscious persons stab their necks out where others dare not as they suffer many fears. Conscious persons contribute to society and bring society to a higher level of thinking, acting and knowing. Conscious persons seek and perform self-realization. They are persons who want to co-create. A co-creation is in conjunction with the essence of the other and leads to fertility; it is based on respect and love. Conscious person have sufficient money and goods but have not more than necessary. They rely on their inner strength.
Balanced Society
A balanced society promotes the learning ability of individuals and not the suppression of individuals or groups.
A balanced society encourages the adults to face false identifications and resolve or balance them (theory Erikson or Hellinger). A balanced society also encourages self-realization (Psychologists Maslow, Rogers, Jung, Freud, the teachings of Krya Yoga of Paramahansa Yogananda or the teachings from Intuitive Development or quantum mechanics).
Results of balancing the identifications:
Solving the Oedipus identification as an adult result in equality between male and female individuals with apparently different appearances.
Solving the narcissistic identification as an adult result in no more fear, anxiety, and frustration when meeting the other.
By releasing the target identification we no longer fear a person with success or are impressed by this person. We rather look at the qualities of others and ourselves. A person with quality is not always successful and socially successful can even be achieved by lack of quality. It is about noticing and acknowledging quality.
Solving the object loss identification as an adult means we no longer follow authorities without qualities and we are no longer afraid of their hostility or punishments. We dare to turn them the other cheek after which the power of such an authority (power is lack of inner strength) is broken.
As an adult we have the birthright to live our own lives and have ownership over our lives. This can only happen if we are willing to learn from the experiences and encounters with others and have self-reflection. Mistakes, misfortune and death are part of a balanced society and alive living. The elimination of all hazards by regulation is not part of a learning society but of a dead society. In a balanced society, there is life and death, there is the positive as well as the negative, there is an integration of both the male and female aspects, there is pain and joy, there is laughter and tears and the person is both introvert and extrovert.
In such a balanced society we learn from each other’s differences rather than to suppress them. Only allowing one of the outer sides of the balance scale belongs to a deathly oppressive society.
Conclusion
Therefore we need to teach ourselves and our children to dismantle our inner Self (Self Realization) by making visible our own identity.
Each of us has the same rights!
Thanks for inviting me to your blog. I love the points you are making so eloquently here. It occurs to me that using the word “ego” for anything does us all a disservice. First of all, it is Freud’s term, which in my mind makes it utterly suspect. Also, almost everyone, psychologist or not is familiar with the term, however only in it’s populist definition. It has been co-opted to mean “selfish”. I suggest that, as communicators, it behooves us to avoid such hot-button words and devise new terms for our growth concepts. Words such as “Christian” or “religion” or “love” or most any racial or ethnic slur may need to be simply expunged from our language. I have attempted many times to redefine such words, and failed miserably. The term “Christian” for example once denoted a follower of Jesus Christ. Even though I have read every word of the accounts of his life, and also feel a direct, transpersonal connection with that entity, I would NEVER us the term Christian to define myself. It has been bastardized so thoroughly to mean: “judgmental, clannish, violent, bloodthirsty, greedy, etc.” that I do not want to ever be associated with the way most modern Christians define the term. The teachings are, of course, about forgiveness, giving, unconditional love and acceptance of all, plus I believe there were some specific mystical teachings about consciousness and energy that can only be transfered from person to person. To think Christ would bless a war is laughable, if it weren’t so sad.
Anyway — Love your point of view, and love your blog!
Thanks for your comment!
Over the years words and language (originally mathematical based see psychologist Piaget) have been abused by many others (above all by persons who like to be in command (super ego’s . Subsequently many words have got a total different illogical meaning (not logical based as these persons lack awareness) than the (mathematical/logical based) original word.
Perhaps we need to start talking in the original languages Latin/Greek again to have the proper meaning of words.
Due to the earliest wrong identification (child instead of inner child) the world (society on earth) has once more come to a downfall (see the Holy Books and Historical prove of Atlantis or Lemuria) as we have all been temptated by the wrong religious identifiction and took the wrong way due to those who believe but do not know.
Only some who started with self awareness, or self realization and kept on walking on those paths will now be able to step out of the vicious circles on the open crossroad (1998-ca.2030).
It is time that each of us starts to know instead of believing.
In your conclusion, I think you actually refer to what I learned from Jan Geurtz in his book “Het einde van de opvoeding” (“The end of upbringing”), as he explained the Buddhist vision on the identity, as most of Western people develop in the earliest years of their childhood:
0: the inner self, expressing itself freely (as a baby).
1: obstruction layer 1: false negative believes and false negative feelings about ourselves (iow: lies, incomprehension, misunderstanding about ourselves);
2: obstruction layer 2: rules about what we are obliged to do, and rules we are prohibited to do (what MUST be done and what MAY NOT be done);
3: obstruction layer 3: thought-patterns, patterns of feelings, and behavioral patterns;
4: obstruction layer 4: personality image;
5: actual behavior.
A simple example: Suppose you are at a trainstation, waiting for the train to arrive. But then you feel, you have to defecate.
A baby, free of any mental obstruction layers, would just let it go, but as we are older, most of us follow the obstruction layers:
1: thinking about the smell of previous fecates (which are unpleasant especially when one is a meat-eater), one may falsely identify himself as someone who smells bad, and even IS a bad person.
2: MUST go to the toilet, MAY NOT let it go into my pants (or drop it anywhere on the pavement).
3: Thinking patters may be: “Oh jee, I don’t know where the toilet is”; “Will I find the toilet ?”; “What if I get there too late ?”. Patterns of feelings may be: “People will reject me if they know I have to defecate (or if I do it in my pants)”; Behavior patterns may be: looking around to see any sign for any toilet, looking (covertly) at other people to check if they may suspect you to be in the need to defecate.
4: Avoiding to show anything that is in your mind, one will not ask anybody the shortest way to the toilet, and if the location of the toilet is discoverd, without any haste and looking neutral, casually strolling towards the desired direction as if there was no need to go in that direction, and just before entering, looking covertly arond to see if anyone is paying attention to his person to see where you are going.
Of course, this is just a harmless example. But see how long the list of obstruction layer 2 (what MUST be done and what MAY NOT be done) is, when this is expressed at the level of the gouvernment, written as “the law”, plus all the local regulations etc.
The list is virtually endless, because any new law-maker will just add to the existing list.
It is in particular hard to dismantle this false identity, these obstruction layers, because this is build at the earliest years of our lives, starting at around the age of between 1 and 1,5 years, because at that age we apparently cannot distinguish between our true, inner self, and our behavior. Also, as one gets older, it is hard to remember all the things that contributed to the formation of these mental obstruction layers. So it resides in the so-called subconsciousness level of memory.
Lots of parents react to our explorations of the world in terms of “Don’t do that, you are bad !” and frighten the toddler for the angry (behaving) parent (of whom it depends for its physical survival !) in stead of “I love you, but don’t put your fingers in the socket because that will harm you” and gently and lovingly removing the toddler from the vicinity of the socket.
For this fact humans need to be taught who they are. This is mentioned even in the essence of all holy books. However neglected by those who anted to be in command.
That is why in history many started to Realize Themselves. All well known psychologist tell so as well.
One of the best Self Realizations is when persons learn to communicate with their inner Self.
When they do that they can also communicate with all other Selfs of all entities.
This was originally meant by the Latin word “Religiare”. The communication with our inner Child leads to mutiplication/enlarging energetically of the child. However those in command did not understand it and used the word child. That is why there also exists a contaminated identification of the child. This is also introduced by those believers. The consequences are daily news as many children are abused.
that is your opinion not mine.
I have got an international reward for this.
Guten Morgen,
Ich glaube leider dass es an Ihrer Safari liegt! Für diesen Blog habe ich auch ein Internationalen Preiss erhalten!
Ganz herzliche Grüße aus Utrecht.
What is the intend of your reply on my blog?
Please elucidate!
when you want to discuss an issue you can send an email to info@c-t-u.com